Fiscal restraint, buying limousines, and other compatible habits

I woke up this morning with a new limousine in my driveway. Well, it’s not quite new, in a year or two I can put classic tags on it. Now some uneducated folks might ask “what on earth are you doing with a limousine?!”, since I’m not a politician or an agent for the Amish mafia.  By uneducated folks, I mean those who may not have read my earlier blog entry about how limos make great hunting vehicles. You can read that blog entry by clicking here.

How much did I pay for this fine piece of automotive history, you might ask? Well, that’s the beauty of it.  I leased this puppy for $95 a month, $0 down. At the end of the lease I can just keep the car. Thats the price of a tank of gas (in my Ford Expedition), the cost of a bill board for a few days, or several of potatoes.   This 30 foot marvel has a V-8 engine, seats 11, can get 20 mpg, and has a trunk big enough to fit a horse in it.  It can easily pull a boat and trailer. It is the definition of thriftiness and practicality all wrapped up in one package. (Folks with mini vans are probably blushing in shame at their lack of thrift as they read this)

Naturally, some of you are probably wondering how I leased a limo, since it’s more likely to get a loan officer to gallop around his office kicking his feet in the air like a wild gazelle than to actually approve something, especially for a situation a little out of the ordinary.  For example:

The other day I walked into the local bank, trying to get a home equity loan on my old house, which I am trying to sell. (I was trying to pay down the mortgage which had a higher interest rate than the HELOC) You would have thought I was randomly proposing to a nun. The loan officer suspiciously glanced at me. “Hmm so you want a heloc?” he asked. I explained why, and he said “your not making any money on this house like renting it, right?”. I explained, no this house was a total drag and I was certainly not making any money on it. “Good” he said, “we can’t give out loans if your using the property to make money”. Ok…that would explain all the foreclosures you hear about, but anyway.

Next he said, “we’ll have to write this up as a vacation home”. Ok, sure, but I live 2 miles away from it. Then I mentioned I want to sell the house. He reacted in astonishment, “Why would you want to sell your vacation house that is a total drag and you live 2 miles away from?”. Ah, beats me. So he had to call some guy in another office and told me “we can’t give loans for houses that you want to sell”.  Ok, well that last thing he said made some sense but nothing else did. Anyway, I digress. (If you want to live near Troxelville, PA, shoot me an email.)

So how did I work out a lease agreement? Simple, I just called a friend and said “are you tired of getting 0.01% interest at the bank with their miserable CDs? Lease this car to me and get a better return”.  Now, under normal circumstances I loathe not paying cash for cars. A quick look in my driveway will verify this principle.  However I am not against leasing business equipment, and it will be very obvious in a few days that this car is to promote “”. Just wait and see…

What are my plans for this car? Simple, I’m going to paint it camouflage, and letter “” along each side of it. I’ll drive it around and get more than my $95 for that month back in advertising in short order. For example, the cheapest bill board I could find along Route 11-15 (a main route here in central Pa) costs $600 a month, and you have to commit to several months at a shot. Three months and you blow $1,800. Studies also show that a new bill board loses it’s effect in one to two weeks of being put up. Regular traffic gets used to seeing them and stops looking.  And you certainly can’t take a bill board on a road trip.

Oh, and I’m still working on training Gunner, I didn’t forget about him. I’ll post more on his progress soon.

Happy Hunting!

Look at all the real estate for lettering:

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